subtitle: Who wants a fucking massive row?
Imagine, if you will, that you wake up one morning feeling heady courtesy of the broken night's sleep because you were alternating between being furiously hot or shivering cold. After clarifying with your husband as to whether or not he has been standing next to the central heating controls all night turning them on and off you realise that perhaps you're in a bit of a nark. Just to confirm narkiedom you give a truly venomous reply when being asked by your husband as to your state of health. Slam downstairs to the kitchen muttering all the while wishing you had a kitten so you could kick it. Hard. Get so carried away with the idea of kicking something you stub toe on the step. Cry. Find your reading glasses in the fridge whilst looking for something. You have forgotten what it is you are looking for but decide to use glasses in pursuit of crossword.
Take a mouthful of coffee while wondering why clues to crossword are written in Swahili. Realise that you were looking for milk in fridge so return to kitchen for milk. Open fridge door and forget what you were looking for so make do with glass of orange juice. You will later find a cup of coffee hidden behind salt next to the fridge and will be able to shout at your husband for leaving a full cup of coffee hidden behind the salt.
Man comes to house to perform simple task in kitchen but you decide to complicate things by asking questions in a language that you are not entirely (!) (vaguely) fluent in. Take offence when he speaks slowly and carefully to you and then rant to your neighbour about his attitude. Neighbour makes mistake of believing that she is talking to a rational person despite your shrill shrieks of 'but you don't know what it's like' whilst you mop away the sweat that is pouring down your head and she continues to have a normal conversation. You move further into Harpy mode. Cry. Sweat. Lose car keys. Argue with post office. Forget shopping list.
Read article on menopause which tells you quite helpfully that this state of affairs could go on for two years.
Lose grip on reality.